Honestly, outside of domestic violence and anything abusive or neglectful, it seems this latest wave of divorces could mostly have been preventable.

This is a frank guide and observation on why many modern Muslim marriages fail. This guide is mostly based on U.S. marriages, but it may apply to worldwide audiences. Included are videos and resources from experts as well, and additional resources to help you no matter where you are on your journeys.

Getting married is easy. STAYING married is HARD.

Of course, there are many other common reasons for divorce including DV, infidelity (emotional, physical, and financial) as well as mid-life crises.

Reasons Why Muslim Marriages Fail

This list is not inclusive of every reason, and often it’s more than one of these at one point of time, or maybe one is a catalyst and cascade effect for the others.

Many of these root causes though particular to Muslims - which could be prevented through education and humility.

Misaligned Values / Goals

If you’re not going in the same direction, then you will naturally not get to your destination and need to jump ship.

This may happen over time, or maybe you never had the right conversation from the beginning.

Can you course correct? Sure. But many people don’t want to, or dug in. Their individual goals and vision supersede that of the marriage.

Lack of Masculine Leadership

• Men are not taking the lead anymore. They want the woman to work to pay the bills.
• They’re not working out and staying fit
• They’re not able to control their emotions. Women want you to be the rock in the relationship
• They’re not learning or continuously leveling up themselves
• They don’t understand how women communicate

Lack of Feminine Energy

Feminine energy is so powerful. More powerful than women tend to believe or know. If only they knew, they would be able to do so much.

A man naturally wants to be the hero. A feminine woman knows how to take advantage of that (in a beneficial way) and harness the masculine energy.

Being sweet and kind to her man, can soften almost any man’s heart.

Try saying “I appreciate you”. (See Baba Ali Interview below)

Lack of Family Support Nearby / No Village

Life is hard.

When people say “It Takes a Village” to raise a family, this is very true. However, we didn’t consider than for millennia half or more than half of that village was your FAMILY or tribe. So there was a system and strong support structure.

Parenting support came from all directions: sisters, mothers, aunts, nieces, and so on would be taking care of the kids. Fathers, brothers, nephews, uncles would step in where the father couldn’t (for whatever reason). It was a communal effort.

We are doing it all backwards.

In fact, I would argue that this tribal support system would place immense accountability on the husband and wife, and serve as not only an early warning system, but also accountability from tribal elders to get in line and not veer off course.

Not only that, but the impact of divorce would be less severe. The mother and kids would be easily absorbed back into the tribe and there would be an adequate support system emotionally, physically, and financially.

Today when families get divorced, the woman now has to work to take care of the kids (unless she get alimony - which she would not be entitled if her salary was the same as the husband), and has to take on masculine energy to make things work. It’s such a vicious cycle.

Some families and cultures are smart about things, when they have kids they are move back to be near one family or the other, or

Mothers Working

A mother’s ultimate responsibility is in the raising of her children. The father is ultimately responsible for providing for and protecting the family. Simple and natural. Look at the primate world for references.

The woman is the FIRST teacher of the child, especially from age 0 to 7. The child is always learning, and the first imprint is from the mother. Whether she is at home tending to matters, or out and about and interacting with people, the child is always learning.

Take a simple ride to the post office. That is a learning experience for the child. Everything from observing the world around them on the way, to asking interesting questions, having the safe space to do nothing, all the way to learning the manners of interaction when the mom is communicating with people. All this is learning.

The mother is the first school.

When a mother is working, she must pump her milk for someone else to feed the child. This reduces the natural attachment bond that can be built during nursing, for both the mother and the child. Oxytocin and other chemicals normally released, do not do so. Curious if this could lead to an increase in post-partum depression.

Additionally, working in Corporate America requires the use of masculine energy. This is depletes the woman of feminine energy and total energy. After work, being depleted, she may not have the energy and patience to interact with her husband and children. This may then lead to resentment and it becomes a vicious cycle.

Lack of understanding of basic rules

Many men think that whatever they make is all for the family, but that is not true.

Mismatched Libidos

Honestly, this may exist, but I would look to emotional root causes in this area. For a woman, if she is checked out or not happy, sex is often the first to go (YMMV). For men, the use of porn can be a cause.

There are natural mismatching in libido. We are all different.

Unfortunately, this is not really something that is discussed in pre-marital discussions among Muslims.

Lack of Self Awareness

Honestly, this probably more prevalent than people think and is quite universal. People don't honestly know themselves well.

They sell a picture of themselves that doesn't exist (mostly through ignorance, but can be surreptitious as well).

If you don't know yourself, then how are you going to know who to look for??